Here We Go Again
by Detective-JazzyFe
Summary: Well, here we go again. Feelings from the past & present collide, leaving Olivia lost & confused, once again. She doesn't want to hurt anyone, but she might not have a choice. What will she do?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer - I own the story you are about to read. This is another song fic, but done a little different. Dick Wolf owns the SVU gang. The song used is _Here We Go Again_ by Demi Lovato. **

**I'll babble about this at the end. So enjoy!**

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><p>It was a cold, windy December night. The streets of Manhattan are flooded with tourists, college students of the area, and civilians, a little more than usual. The holiday season is here and everyone in New York City is out buying Christmas gifts, decorations, and anything else needed for the holidays.<p>

She walked down the street of Manhattan, observing the people around her. She passed by a few houses and took in the site before her. Families have already begun decorating their houses for Christmas. She stopped to look at her favorite house on the street. Colorful string lights outlined the entire house. The border around each window and door was covered with lights. The lawn was covered in little reindeers and one blow-up sleigh, Santa Claus sitting inside with an elf. On the porch sat a little plastic snowman. She smiled and continued her walk home.

Christmas was always a special time for her as an adult. She was never able to celebrate the holiday as a child, but as an adult, the spirit and happiness she had from her friends and co-workers closed that hole she had in her heart. However, this Christmas will be a little different, which was a great thing for her. However, it was also a bad thing.

After walking a few more blocks, she finally arrived at her apartment building. The doorman gave the woman a smile as he opened the door for her. "Good evening, detective Benson."

"Hello, Harry. Thanks for the door." She said as she walked in quickly.

"You're welcome. Done working for the night?"

"I sure hope so. It's been a while since I have been able to come home early." She said with a smile.

"It's a new record, home at five o'clock." Harry exclaimed as he looked down at his watch.

"Yes it is. Well, enjoy your evening, Harry."

"Thank you, detective. You go do the same." Harry waved good-bye and returned to his post.

Olivia smiled as she made her way to the staircase. She climbed the stairs until she reached the fourth floor. The floor looked very festive with the Christmas lights and decorations that were put up earlier this month. She stood in front of her door and took her keys out from her pocket. She placed the key into the key hole and unlocked the door.

She stepped into the apartment and closed the door behind her. She took her coat off and tossed it on the couch, along with her scarf, gloves and hat. She ran her fingers through her long, wavy hair as she walked to the kitchen counter. She moved the answering machine over and pressed the big black button.

_You __have __one __new __message, _the machine said. Olivia pressed another button to listen to the voicemail.

"_Hey, __Liv. __Can__'__t __wait __for __our __date __tonight. __I__'__ve __missed __you __all __day.__" _Olivia smiled as she listened to the husky voice in the message. _"__I__'__ll __be __over __around __six. __I __even __picked __up __a __bottle __of __your __favorite __wine. __See __you __soon, __babe.__"_

Olivia pressed another button on the machine to delete the message. She moved the machine back to its original spot and walked into the bedroom to get ready for her date.

Over the past few months, she has been in a deep hole. As her co-workers would say, she wasn't "herself" in a sense. Fortunately, one lucky guy was able to get her out of that hole. Deep down inside, she still felt like something was missing, but she has been able to think past that and enjoy herself with what is going on in her life now.

Fifty-five minutes later, Olivia finished showering and went to her room with make-up on and hair done with soft curls that sat on her shoulders. She wore a dark red dress that hugged every curve on her body in the right way. The dress was a halter top and it ended just a little above her knees. She opened her closet to grab a pair of black stiletto heels. She quickly put them on her feet and then walked over to her dresser.

She opened a drawer in her jewelry box and pulled out a pair of gold hoop earrings. She put one in her left ear, then one in her right. She opened another drawer and pulled out two gold chains. She put one on first. She then grabbed the second chain and put it on. She fixed the chain so the gold pendent was in front. She glanced at her necklace in the mirror. The second necklace she put on was very precious to her. It was a small Marine medal that had the words "Semper Fi" engraved on it. She smiled as she began checking herself out in the mirror, making sure she looked perfect.

Olivia walked out the bedroom and went into the kitchen. She walked to the stove and opened the oven door. The roast chicken she was cooking was almost done. She closed the door and checked the pots that sat on the stove.

"Perfect. The mashed potatoes are ready to go, the corn is almost done, and the gravy seems hot enough." She commented as she glanced at each pot. She walked over to a cabinet and pulled out two wine glasses. She sat them on the counter and she went to another cabinet, pulling out two plates. She walked to the small dinner table and sat the plates down. She grabbed two plate mats off the island counter and placed them on the table, with the plates sitting on top. She walked back over to the stove and opened a drawer next to it, pulling out two sets of silverware. She grabbed the wine glasses and walked over to set those on the table.

She ran to the bedroom and came back with two candles. She sat them on the table as she grabbed a pack of matches that sat in a small basket on the island counter. She lit one match and lit the two candles.

Her doorbell began ringing as soon as she blew the match out. She walked over to the call box and pressed the button without asking who it was. She walked back to the island counter and threw the matches in the basket.

Olivia glanced at the clock on the microwave and it said 6:00. "Right on time." She smiled.

A few minutes later, she heard a few knocks on the door. She walked over and opened the door for her date.

"You look stunning, Liv." The man complimented.

"Thank you." Olivia replied with a grin. The man was dressed in a pair of black dress slacks. He had a red collar shirt and black suit jacket on. "You look great as well." She stepped aside to let the man in. She closed the door and turned around to see the man standing right behind her.

She cupped his face into her hands and planted a kiss on his lips. He moaned softly as he deepened the kiss.

Olivia pulled back and smiled. "Why don't we save that for dessert?"

"What did you cook? It seems very good." The man said as he sat the wine on the counter.

"Roast chicken. I also made mashed potatoes and corn."

"It all sounds great, Liv." The man opened a door to pull out a corkscrew for the wine. The cork came right out with ease. "Want a glass now?"

"Yes, definitely." Olivia walked to the table and grabbed the wine glasses. She stood in front of the man and held the two glasses in front of her.

The man poured the red wine into the glasses and sat the bottle down once he was done. She gave him a glass and they lightly hit their glasses together. They gave each other a smile and took a sip of the wine together.

The bell on the stove went off seconds later. "Looks like we can eat now." Olivia sat her glass down as she grabbed two oven mitts. The man carried his and her glasses to the table and sat them down.

"Here, give me that and you get the corn and potatoes." The man reached his arms out as Olivia passed the pan of chicken to him. He sat the pan in the middle of the table, in between the two lit candles.

Olivia walked over and sat the pot of mashed potatoes, corn, and gravy on the table. The couple sat down and smiled at each other.

"Let's eat!" Olivia said.

After an hour filling up on the wonderful dinner Olivia cooked, she and the man cuddled on the couch to settle down. They had another glass of wine each sitting on the coffee table. Olivia was wrapped up in the man's arms, her head tucked under his chin. She slowly shifted herself so she was looking at his eyes. She grinned as she slowly moved towards his face, placing her lips on his. He wrapped his arms around her toned body, moving his hands up and down her back. She moaned softly as his tongue begged for access. She gladly accepted as they wrestled their tongues against each other. Olivia let out a small laugh and he grinned. He deepened the kiss, making it more passionate. He cupped her ass with his hands, giving it a light pinch. She groaned quietly, fighting his mouth for more. His hands quickly traveled to her chest, giving each breast a small squeeze.

Olivia moved herself so she sat on top of the man, him lying on his back on the couch. She took his suit jacket off, throwing it into the arm chair on the side. She quickly began kissing him as she began unbuttoning his shirt. Their fun was quickly interrupted as her cell phone began ringing from the kitchen.

"Ugh, you have to be kidding me…" She said with a growl.

Olivia got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen. The man sat up and walked over, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Benson." She said as she picked up.

"Hi, sorry to disturb your evening Liv, but we got a new case." Captain Don Cragen said on the other line.

"No, no, it's okay, cap. What do we have?" she said with a little hint of aggravation in her voice.

"Rape homicide on south 47th and 3rd street. CSI is already on the scene."

"Okay, be there soon." She hung up the call and placed the phone on the counter. She turned around to face her date. "I have to go..."

"It's fine, Liv. We can always continue this later." He said as he placed a kiss on her forehead.

"You can stay if you want."

"No, it's okay. I can head to the office and get some work done. Just give me a call when you're free."

"Sounds good. I'm going to go change real quick." Olivia ran into the bedroom to change clothes. She threw on a pair of jeans, boots, her favorite blue collar shirt, and coat. She grabbed her badge, gun, and car keys and walked back into the living room.

She and the man walked to the door. He opened it, letting her out. He closed the door behind them, making sure the door was locked. They took the stairs down to the first floor, hand in hand. Once they walked out the building, they turned to each other and gave each other a quick kiss.

"I'll see you later, Olivia."

"Yep… sorry again about our date ending so short." She said with a sympathetic look.

"Don't worry about it, babe. I can make up for the lost time." He said with a smirk. "I love you, Liv."

"I love you too, Dean. Have fun filling out paperwork." She said with a laugh.

"Please Liv. It's FBI paperwork. There's no fun in that, whatsoever."

"Unless you think about me." She said with a wink.

"You are something else, Benson."

"So are you, Porter. I'll call you later." The two gave each other another kiss good-bye and went their opposite ways. Olivia climbed into her police car and turned it on, along with the police lights and siren. She then took off into Manhattan, heading for the crime scene.

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><p><strong>AHA! Didn't think the man was Dean Porter, did you? Don't worry, I have my reasons. I listened to this song yesterday and this new idea instantly popped in my head so I'm kinda happy with what I have planned. I needed a small break from the other story (and if you haven't read it yet, it's called <em>How Strong Do You Think I Am?<em>. So check it out!) Anyway, review and stay tuned!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Demi owns the song, Dick owns the characters, I own the story.**

**Thanks to those that reviewed, favored, and followed! I hope I didn't disappoint anyone about Olivia being with Dean. Don't worry though. There will be future EO! The idea I have with this specific song seems so great in my head, so hopefully I get it right when I write it out lol. Well, without further ado, here is chapter two!**

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><p>Olivia arrived at the crime scene fifteen minutes after leaving her apartment. She parked her car on the corner of the street and made her way over. She approached a uniform cop that stood in front of the crime scene. She showed him her badge and he raised the crime scene tap, letting her pass through.<p>

She walked over to the group of detectives that stood around the body lying on the ground. Nick Amaro looked at his partner and smiled, but it quickly faded when he looked at her eyes. Her make-up was done nicely, different from her usual work make-up.

"Had another date tonight with Dean?" he asked.

"Yup. Too bad it had to get cut short, again." She replied with a sigh. She walked up to the body and bent down to observe it. "So what do we have?"

"Caucasian female, twenty-two years old, her name is Raleigh McGuire. She was a student at Hudson University." M.E. Melinda Warner said as she continued to search the body.

"How bad is it, Melinda?" Olivia asked as she stood up.

"The suspect did a number on her. She was raped on both ends. No fluids, but I found spermicide."

"So he used a condom." Olivia responded quietly.

"He bruised her up badly as well. There are bruises all over her abdomen, chest, arms, neck, and head. I found skin under her nails, she definitely fought back."

"However it wasn't enough. How long has she been dead?"

"I'd say about two hours tops. Once I get her on the table, I'll be able to tell you more."

"Thanks, doc." Nick said. Melinda gave the detectives a small nod and continued her work. Nick and Olivia turned and walked towards the other detectives and Captain Cragen.

"So… how are you and Dean doing? Besides the many interrupted dates and everything." Nick asked.

"We—we're great. Thanks for asking." Olivia responded hesitantly.

"You don't sound so positive, Liv. What's going on?"

"I'd rather not talk about it…"

"Hey now, we've been partners for a long time now and I trust you with everything I have. Why can't you just do the same?"

"Okay one, I don't think you can classify seven months as "a long time." And two, I do trust you, but it's still a little hard because—"

"I'm not your ex-partner." Nick finished for her.

"Yeah…" Olivia nodded.

Nick stopped walking and grabbed Olivia's arm. He turned her around so she was now face-to-face with him. "Liv, I understand you had a hard time dealing with what happened to you since the shooting. And I know you're still hurting greatly about Elliot leaving, especially when you got that necklace back in November."

Olivia quickly took the Semper Fi medal into her hands, not moving her eyes from her partner.

"Over the seven months we were able to build a great partnership, and friendship outside work. I know I'm nothing like Elliot and you won't be able to get that same connection you had with him again with me, but I'm trying here. I even helped you get out of that funk you were in the past three months."

"You had help from everyone in the squad, Nick." Olivia laughed.

Nick chuckled and returned his focus to Olivia. "Well yeah, I did. Point is, if something is bothering you to the point that it will affect your work, you should tell me, especially if it's something with Dean. I heard enough stories to know that he can be a prick when he wants to."

"Wow, you're really starting to sound like Elliot more about my love life."

"I'm sorry, Liv. But it's true. I don't want any guy breaking your heart. I may still be a rookie, but I'm a master when it comes to relationships. I have my own issues with my marriage that I'm trying to work out now."

"How is your wife? Everything okay over seas?"

"She's great. She will be able to come home soon. My daughter will be happy to see her."

"How about you?" Olivia asked as she narrowed her eyes on Nick.

"Of course I'll be happy to see her as well. We just have some stuff to talk about. So, what's going on with you and Dean?"

The two detectives continued their walk. Olivia took in a deep breath and sighed. "We got into another fight two nights ago… it wasn't exactly resolved."

"What about this time?"

"The necklace… he bought me a new one a week ago. When we met for our date, I had this one on along with the one he got me. He asked why I had the medal one on and all hell broke loose. I wish he would just drop the medal issue already."

"Maybe he thinks you still have some feelings for Elliot." Nick suggested.

"I—we—it's…" Olivia paused and shrugged her shoulders. "It's complicated. Everything about Elliot and I is complicated. Always have been. Since I got this necklace and new badge, it's pretty much the only two things I have left of him. I can't stop wearing it because he wants to have a fit about it."

"Dean wasn't a big fan of Elliot though, right?"

"Nope. El wasn't his biggest fan either. Ever since I came back from that undercover case in Oregon, those two were always at each other's necks."

"Did you talk to Dean about it?"

"I can't. I can't even mention El anymore without a fight happening. When we first started dating, he seemed okay about it. But he got more annoyed with it as time passed. He hates that I still have pictures of him in my apartment. What am I suppose to do? Get rid of them just because Elliot went MIA?"

"He just wants you to be happy, Liv."

"I don't know, Nick. Things have been a little rocky the past couple of weeks."

"It will work out. Don't stress over it too much. You'll be fine. And if he dares to mess with you in any way, I'll be there to kick his ass."

Olivia let out a laugh as she stared at her partner. "You just got all Stabler on me, Amaro."

"Hey, I have some big shoes to fill. Someone has to be the asshole sometimes." Nick laughed. He gave Olivia's arm a gently squeeze and walked ahead of her to join the group.

Olivia shook her head as she watched Nick go. She smiled, but it quickly faded. Her thoughts went right back to him. Elliot Stabler. Her ex-partner. The man that still secretly had her heart. Don't get her wrong—she truly cared for Dean. He's the only man, besides Elliot, that understands her job and what it asks of. He cared about her and treated her right. Dean grew on her during the time they have been together. She enjoyed the company and admires the time they spend together. She loved him, yes. But was she in love with him? She tells herself "yes." However, the many arguments that have accumulating over the past couple weeks have been getting to her. She hates that Dean always has something negative to say about Elliot. Yes, Elliot had a bad temper and was a hot head at times. Yes, Elliot needed some help to control his anger and how he would handle people. Olivia grew to accept and love that about him. Elliot is also a caring person who really connected with the victims. Elliot is a wonderful person with a big heart filled with enough love to last a lifetime. Elliot was a loving and supportive father to his five children. Although their marriage had its many ups and down, Elliot was still a devoted husband and cared for his wife Kathy. Well, more like ex-wife. Two weeks after the shooting, Kathy came to the precinct and asked Olivia if she has seen Elliot. She had a packet of papers for him, divorce papers. Signed and everything. That was the last time Olivia talked to her or seen the kids.

When Elliot left, she constantly called and texted him, leaving messages. She even emailed him five times a day, hoping he would respond to one of them. After two months of trying, she decided to give up and hoped for him to contact her when he was ready. Months passed and she started to get depressed. It affected her work greatly and Captain Cragen had to order her to take some vacation time. When she returned to work, she didn't seem any better, but her work was back to normal. She caught up with Dean on a case the unit had with the FBI. They connected and have been in touch since. They began dating and made the relationship official. Everyone around was happy that Olivia was in a relationship, but they could see that she truly didn't want it, at least with Dean. As time passed, they saw that she was growing to care for him. Deep down inside, they knew that Dean wasn't enough to get her out of the deep funk she was in. They knew a certain blue-eyed detective was the only answer to solve this problem.

Olivia finally made her way over to the group and tuned in to hear what Cragen had to say.

"Munch and Rollins, I want you two to work this case. Go see Raleigh's parents and give them the news. Amaro, head to the M.E.'s office and get the results from Warner. Fin, we'll head back to the station and start looking for any cases that match the MO." Cragen finished with a nod and the detective went their separate ways. He walked up to Olivia and placed his hand in his coat pocket. He took out a small envelope and handed it to her.

"This was delivered at the station a few minutes before I called you."

"Who is it from?"

"Him." Cragen responded quietly.

Olivia's eyes grew big as she stared at Cragen. She quickly opened the envelope and took the letter out. She opened it and began reading it out loud.

_Liv, _

_Can we meet up tonight? I need to see you—to apologize, to explain everything. There is so much to say, but not enough space on this paper to write it. I owe it to you to at least say it all in person. I know you're probably still pissed at me, and I don't blame you. I'd feel the same way if I were in your shoes. I just want to talk. It would mean a lot if you can. I'll be at our favorite coffee shop at 8, sitting at our table. Hope you will come. I really do miss you, Liv…_

_- El_

Olivia shot her head up and looked at Cragen, confused. "Should I go?"

"You deserve to hear what he says. He really wants to see you."

"You… you talked to him?"

"I did. He personally came to the precinct to give that to me. He called before arriving, to make sure you weren't there. We talked, he's in a good place right now."

"Where did he go? What happened to him?" Olivia asked with concern.

"He'll explain it to you. I think it's better to hear it from him. Go, Liv. But first, head home. Get cleaned up." Cragen ordered. He took her into his arms and gave her a reassuring hug. Olivia returned the gesture. Seconds later, she pulled away and smiled. She turned around and walked off to her car.

Cragen smiled as he watched his senior detective go. He always thought of Olivia as a daughter. He grabbed his cell phone and dialed a number. It rang two times and someone picked up.

"Is she coming?"

"Yes. Please, don't screw this up. If you hurt her, I'm gonna kill you myself."

"Duly noted, cap. Thanks." The call ended and Cragen closed his phone. Hopefully things will work out for the best.

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><p>After debating on stopping home to clean up, Olivia arrived at the small corner coffee shop she and Elliot always go to. She didn't bother going home to freshen up. She wanted to see him. She needed to see him, to hear his voice. She parked the car and went to the entrance. She walked through the doors and began searching for him. She recognized him at the specific table they always sit at when they get coffee. She quickly walked over to the table.<p>

Elliot noticed her walking over. He stood up and met her gaze as she approached him.

"Hey."

Before Olivia could say anything, she quickly raised her hand and smacked Elliot hard on his face. Seconds after the even occurred, she finally realized what she had done. Her mouth dropped as she saw the hand mark turn red on Elliot's cheek.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry. I don't know why I just did that."

"No, it's okay. I deserved it." Elliot said forcing a smile. His cheek was now sore, but he couldn't blame her for doing it.

"I'm really sorry, El."

"It's okay, Liv. If I remember exactly, you're here so I can apologize to you. Here, sit." He gestured her to sit down. Once she did, he sat in his chair and folded his hands, sitting them on the table.

"So…" Olivia began.

"So… you look great."

"Thanks. You too." The two gave each other an awkward smile, leaving a big gap of silence. Although the silence was not awkward, there was still tension between them.

"El, I—"

"Olivia," Elliot interrupted. Olivia closed her mouth and stared at him. She knew that it was seriously when he used her full name. "I want to say that I am very, very sorry. I cannot express that enough. I left at a terrible time, leaving you to hurt and grieve all by yourself. I left you alone when you really needed me to be there for you. I just—I just couldn't handle it anymore. The thought of killing Jenna ate me alive. I had to leave. It was the only option I really had that made me feel better about myself."

"Where did you go, El?"

"A rehab. I went to get help. I went to Virginia a week after the shooting. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't get that day out of my head. It was like a horror movie on repeat."

"So you've been there this whole time?"

"Yes. I wanted to contact you back. I wanted to talk to you, to see you. But the doctors had very strict rules about contacting people outside the program."

"Oh… so, are you feeling better now?" Olivia asked as she studied him. He did look relaxed and at ease. He looked great. His arms and shoulders were more muscular and tone. She shook her head to get rid of the thoughts.

"Yes. I feel great. I haven't had any bad dreams, I coped with the situation, and I want nothing more to reconnect with you again, with everyone." Elliot reached his arms out and took Olivia's hands into his.

Olivia looked down at their hands and watched as his thumbs ran over the back of her hands. She looked up at him and opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the buzzing of her cell phone.

"I'm—I'm so sorry. I have to get this." Olivia reached into her pocket and grabbed her phone, answering the call. "Benson."

"Where the hell are you? I've been waiting here at your apartment for the past hour and you have yet to even call." Dean said on the other line.

"Okay, I'm on my way." Olivia said sounding aggravated. She hung up the call before Dean could say anything else. She looked at Elliot and frowned. "I'm so sorry, El, but I have to go."

"No… it's fine." Elliot said. He was disappointed that their time together had to end already.

"Can we possibly pick this up another day? Maybe tomorrow?" she asked standing up from her seat.

"That sounds great." Elliot took Olivia into his arms and hugged her tightly. She was tense at first, but quickly eased up in his embrace, taking in his scent. He had Calvin Klein cologne on. She slowly pulled away and gave him a weak smile.

"I'll call you later." Olivia grabbed her keys off the table and left the restaurant.

Fifteen minutes later, she made it to her apartment. She walked through the door and saw Dean sitting on the couch staring at the door.

"So where the fuck were you? Did you forget about us, again?"

"I'm sorry, Dean. I was caught up at the crime scene."

"Oh really? That's funny because I called Cragen to see where you were and he said you left."

Olivia felt her blood boil as she stared at Dean. "Why would you do that? Are you stalking me now?"

"You don't know how to call people, so yeah. You're lucky I didn't send out any private detectives."

"You are fucking ridiculous, Dean." Olivia threw her coat on the couch and walked passed Dean, right into the bathroom.

Dean picked up her coat and searched her pockets. He pulled out the small envelope and read the letter inside. He ran to the bathroom and banged on the door.

"What? I can't pee without your supervision now?" Olivia snarled at him.

"You saw Stabler? What were you two doing?"

"Nothing, Dean! He just came back to town and wanted to catch up. That's all. I don't see why you are getting so heated over this." Olivia walked out the bathroom and went into the bedroom.

"Olivia, I am sick and tired of seeing and hearing about this bastard all the time! These fucking pictures you still have, that damn necklace. Give it a rest!"

"It's not that easy! He's my best friend! He's my partner!"

"Well, he's a shitty ass best friend. Best friends just don't leave unexpectedly and not tell you shit! If I knew better Olivia, I'd say you're in love with him!"

Olivia opened her mouth to say something, but instantly froze up. She sat on her bed and took her shoes off.

"Guess I'm right, huh? When will you get it? Stabler doesn't love you, Olivia! He doesn't care for you, Olivia! If he did, he wouldn't have left!"

"You son of a bitch! He left to get help!"

"Help my ass. Just give it up. He won't ever be with you." Dean said. He reached his arm out towards Olivia. She quickly raised her arms to block her face, but felt something snap around her neck. She threw her arms down as she saw her Semper Fi medal necklace in Dean's hands, broken into pieces.

"You fucking asshole!" Olivia shouted as she grabbed the broken necklace. "You need to leave, now."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really. You went too damn far and I will be damned to keep you here. Get the fuck out."

"Fine, Olivia. If you want it that way, then fine." Dean rushed out the bedroom and grabbed his jacket and keys off the coffee table.

"Don't even think about talking to me the rest of the night." Olivia screamed from the hallway.

Dean opened the door and before leaving, he looked back at Olivia. "Just know this, Liv. You'll never find another guy if you decide to give up on us now. Stabler is a lost cause. He lost his chance. And you would be a damn idiot if you think you love him. Just remember that." Dean slammed the door and left.

Olivia fell to her knees and began sobbing hysterically. She opened her hand and cried even more when she saw the necklace. She got up and ran to the bedroom. She sat the necklace on her dresser. She ran over to her window and opened it wide.

She ran to the closet and began gathering all of Dean's clothes. She walked back to the window and tossed the clothes out the window. She continued her rampage by grabbing everything that belonged to Dean and threw it out the window.

_I throw all of your stuff away  
><em>_Then I clear you out of my head_

Olivia grabbed her house phone and dialed the first number that popped up in her mind.

"Hello?"

"Alex… I need you and Casey…" Olivia said between sobs.

"Oh my, what happened Olivia? Did you guys have another fight?"

"Yes… please, come over. I—I can't do this—please." Olivia begged.

"We'll be over soon. Just hang on, Liv."

Olivia hung up the phone and went into the living room. She took her cell phone out her coat and went to her contacts. She searched for Dean's number and stared at it. She deleted his number.

_I tear you out of my heart_

As if on cue, she received a mass text from him. Begging her to talk to him. Wanting to apologize. She cleared out her inbox.

_And ignore all your messages_

Twenty minutes later, Casey and Alex arrived at Olivia's apartment. They knocked on the door a couple of times, but no answer. Casey slowly opened the door and walked in with Alex following behind.

"Liv? Sweetie, are you here?" Alex shouted. Casey nudged her and they grew silent, hearing the sound of crying echoing the apartment.

"She's in the bedroom." The two women walked through the apartment and walked into the bedroom, finding Olivia on the following crying into her knees.

They sat on each side of her and wrapped their arms around her.

"I can't do this anymore." She responded with a sob. "I'm breaking up with him. I can't do this to myself." Olivia cried out.

_I tell everyone we are through  
><em>_Cause I'm so much better without you  
><em>_But it's just another pretty lie  
><em>_Cause I break down  
><em>_Every time you come around_

"Shh… it's okay, Liv." Casey cooed as she rubbed her back.

_How did you get here under my skin?  
><em>_Swore that I'd never let you back in  
><em>_Should've known better  
><em>_Then trying to let you go  
><em>_Cause here we go, go, go again_

"It's for the best, Liv. You stayed in for as long as you could and it didn't work out." Alex assured her.

"Then why do I feel bad about throwing his stuff out my window?"

"You did what?" Alex asked.

"He—broke my necklace. So I threw his shit out. I just can't—he's all I have now. I won't be able to find another man."

"You can find someone else. There's plenty of finish in the sea." Casey said.

"He said so himself! The chance I had with the one man I love flew out the window! There's no way I can get him back!" Olivia continued to cry as Casey and Alex held her close. All they could do is just be there for their friend.

_Hard as I try I know I can't quit  
><em>_Something about you is so addictive  
><em>_We're fallin' together  
><em>_You think that by now I'd know  
><em>_Cause here we go, go, go again_

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><p><strong>Daaaaaayummmm! What will Liv do now about Dean? What will Dean do knowing Elliot is back in the picture? What is Elliot's plan now that he's back? You will have to wait and see...;)<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own the story that lays before your eyes. Dicky owns the SVU crew. Demi owns the song.**

**A/N: Hello readers! Very sorry for the extra belated update! It's kinda hard to write when you have no time alone to do it. I managed to have some time to myself today, so I bring you chapter 3. Hoping to update the other story soon...stay tuned :)**

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><p>Olivia slowly opened her eyes and looked around. She sat up and realized that she was laying her bed. She pushed the blanket off her legs and sat on the edge of the bed. The lights were off and her bedroom door was closed. It was very dark outside as well. She got up and walked to the dresser. She looked in the mirror and her eyes looked puffy and red. She walked over the door and slowly opened it. She heard voices coming from the living room.<p>

She walked out slowly and saw a familiar red head and blonde sitting on her couch. She looked across to see someone new sitting in her armchair. She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed as she approached the living room.

"Did you sleep well?" Casey asked.

"I guess so. How long was I out for?" Olivia moaned as she let her eyes adjust to the lighting.

"About three hours or so." Alex replied with a sigh.

Olivia smiled weakly as she directed her attention to the new guest. "When did you get here, Melinda?"

"An hour ago. How are you feeling, Liv?" Melinda asked with a small smile.

"A little better with the nap, but not so much emotionally." Olivia walked over to the couch and plopped in between the two ADAs. "I'm assuming you know everything?"

"Yes I do." The M.E. laughed.

"He called your home phone a few times. I had to curse him out." Alex said with aggravation.

"Maybe I should talk to him." Olivia said.

"After what he did? You're obviously hurt by this, Liv." Casey chimed in.

"And don't you have to talk to Elliot anyway?" Alex asked.

Melinda shot the women a look of confusion. "Stabler is back?" she asked redirecting her attention to Olivia.

She nodded. "I saw him before this whole mess happened with Dean. He wanted to talk."

"Don't you think talking to Elliot will cause you more harm than good?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked.

"Melinda's right. It will just cause more problems with Dean since he knows Elliot is back in the picture." Alex responded.

"But she loves Elliot! She needs to dump Porter!" Casey said defensively.

"You guys, I don't even want to go down that road again. I can't take the heartbreak again. It hit me hard when he left." Olivia replied.

"But he came back to talk to you, Liv! He wants to apologize for hurting you! He knows that he handled the situation badly." Casey said.

"Where was he when she was crying her eyes out for a month straight?" Alex asked.

"Look, he obviously came back to make things right, so of course he cares for Olivia." Casey said as she crossed her arms.

"Is he still with Kathy?" Melinda asked. The three women looked at Olivia and she just shrugged her shoulders.

"We didn't get to talk long because of Dean. He called me when I was with Elliot."

"So now what? Are you going to avoid him and Dean now?" Melinda asked with concern.

"I just—I just need to think this through. It's too much to think about at this moment. I don't know what I want. I care for Dean and I do love him, but not as much as I love Elliot." Olivia said quietly.

"So why don't you call Elliot and ask him to meet up? There's still a lot more to talk about since your meeting was interrupted." Casey suggested.

"Yeah Liv, why don't you do that? You can let us know what happens." Alex added.

"I'm going to go shower, then I'll give him a call." Olivia stood up from the couch and stretched. "Thanks for being here."

"Of course. You know that we'll always be here for you, Olivia." Melinda smiled. She gave Olivia a hug, with Casey and Alex doing the same. Olivia led the women to the door and said good-bye.

"Make sure you call me after, Liv." Casey commanded. She gave Olivia one last hug and left. Olivia closed the door and locked it, just incase Dean tried to come by again. She walked to the bathroom and started the shower. She walked into the bedroom and grabbed her cell phone from the end table. It was midnight. Maybe he'll pick up…

She dialed Elliot's number and waited for him to answer.

"Hey Liv."

"Hi… is it possible for you to come over so we can finish talking?"

"Sure. When do you want me to come over?"

"How about in thirty minutes? I just want to take a quick shower."

"Okay. I'll be there in thirty. Did you eat yet?"

"Nope."

"Chinese?"

"Definitely." Olivia smiled. Some things just never change.

"Alright, be there soon." The call ended. Olivia sat her phone down and went to take her shower.

Thirty minutes later, Elliot arrived at Olivia's apartment building. He pressed the bell for Olivia's apartment.

The bell rang throughout Olivia's apartment. She ran into the living room in a robe and hair wrapped in a towel. Without asking who was there, she quickly pressed the button letting the guest into the building. She ran back into the bedroom to dry her hair.

Elliot stood in front of Olivia's door. It's been a long time since he was last here. He knocked on the door a few times. He heard the door unlock and was happy to see the woman standing in front of him.

"That's a nice robe, Liv." He laughed.

"Yeah, yeah. Come in," she said stepping aside. Elliot walked in and went to the kitchen. He placed the bag of Chinese food on the counter. Olivia closed the door and sat at the island counter.

"Are you okay? Your eyes look a little puffy." Elliot said.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just had a long day." Olivia grabbed the bag of food and opened it. She reached in and grabbed a box of rice. She pulled a pair of chopsticks out from the bag and began eating the food.

"Don't lie to me. You were crying."

"Look, forget it. Let's just finish our talk." Olivia said taking another spoonful of rice.

"Okay. So I already told you why I left and where I was. Is there anything else you want to know?" Elliot asked as he took a piece of sesame chicken and ate it.

"Why did you leave without telling me? You know I would've understood why you had to leave."

"I know that, Liv. For some reason I just couldn't face you after it happened."

"But why, El?"

Elliot walked around the counter and sat next to Olivia, moving his food to the new spot. "I couldn't bare with the possibilities of losing you."

"Huh?" Olivia's eyes grew big as she looked at Elliot.

"You were the next person Jenna was going to shoot. I knew she would have shot you. So I took that shot. I took that shot that killed her."

"El…"

"I chose you over the job, again. It was just too much, Olivia." He said her full name. She knew he was being serious.

Elliot glanced up at Olivia and stared into her eyes, waiting to see a reaction.

"I'm so sorry, El." She said sympathetically.

"I know leaving the job wouldn't affect me much. But the thought of losing you, the thought of having that image in my head forever, that would have killed me. It's like the whole Gitano case came back and I was reliving it again."

Olivia's eyebrows rose and her eyes grew big. He compared this to Gitano. "So what exactly are you trying to say, Elliot? Are you blaming me for leaving?" Olivia asked as her voice rose.

"No, oh God no, Liv. I'm not saying that at all." Elliot exclaimed. He reached over to grab her hand, but she jolted back and got up from her seat.

"You said it yourself. You basically relived the Gitano case when the shooting happened."

"I didn't mean the whole thing, Olivia!" Elliot shouted. Olivia crossed her arms and she could feel her blood boiling.

"Then what exactly was the same?"

"The feelings I had… well have, now." Elliot said.

"Oh?"

"Yes! I only said that shit with the Gitano case because I loved you too damn much, Olivia! And I felt the same damn thing ever since then! When the shooting happened, I didn't know what to think. All I knew was that I loved you and I didn't want you to get hurt." Elliot yelled.

Olivia stood clueless, still trying to process what just happened in her mind. She opened her mouth to say something to Elliot, but nothing came out.

"Liv?" Elliot asked softly. "Liv? Are you okay?"

"Did—did you just say that you—you lo—loved me?" she stuttered.

Elliot laughed and got up from his chair. He grabbed Olivia by the waist and pulled her close to him. "Yes, and I still do. I don't know when it happened or how it happened, but it did."

Olivia looked into Elliot's eyes. Oh, those blue eyes that she has missed dearly. She was still in shock of what he has said to her and she didn't know what else to say. So she did the next best thing. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

Elliot was taken by surprise, but gladly accepted the kiss. He pushed his tongue through his lips, asking her for permission to enter.

Olivia let out a soft moan as her lips parted, his tongue rushing in. The kiss was very slow, but passionate. They lightly danced their tongues around each others, making the contact faster and faster as the kiss deepened. Elliot cupped Olivia's face in his hands as his tongue explored the rest of her mouth.

They wrestled back and forth with their tongues. Elliot moved his lips to her neck, sucking and kissing every available spot. Olivia threw her head back allowing Elliot to move freely. She quickly moved her hands down to his jeans and began to unzip them. Once the zipper was done, she yanked them to his ankles.

Elliot stepped out of his jeans and began to undress Olivia. He untied her rob and she let fall to the floor. All that was left was Olivia in a black lacy bra with matching lacy panties. He scooped her into his arms and rushed to the bedroom, still kissing.

He slammed the door with his foot and plopped her on the bed. He quickly took his gray hoody and t-shirt off, only to be left in his red and black boxer briefs. He crawled on top of Olivia, smiling down at her.

She stared into his eyes, smiling back at him. "El…"

"Are you sure about this, Liv? There's no turning back now…" Elliot said in a low husky tone.

Olivia nodded her head and pulled him close. They began kissing again. Elliot used one hand to trace the side of Olivia's body. He traveled up to her chest, outlining the lace on her bra. He went from one breast to another, sending chills down her spine.

He traveled down her chest to her abdomen, circling around her belly button. He continued his path and began tracing the lace on her panties. He rubbed her core through the lace.

"God Liv, you're so wet already."

Olivia moaned as she moved around under him. She was about to burst just from his touch. Elliot snuck his fingers inside the panties and began rubbing her slowly. One finger traveled down and he plunged it inside her.

Olivia groaned loudly as he began moving his finger in and out of her. He put another finger in, making Olivia scream his name. He continued to move at a steady pace, Olivia matching his hand movements with her hips.

_Buzz, buzz, buzz_… the vibration began to grow louder. Elliot and Olivia stopped instantly to look around for a phone. Olivia glanced at the dresser to see that her phone was flashing.

"Oh you have to be kidding me…" Olivia groaned as she moved from under Elliot. Elliot laid on his back as he watched Olivia walk over the dresser.

She picked up her phone and opened the unread text message. It was from Dean. Olivia felt her heart starting to beat fast.

_We need to talk, now. I'm coming over._

"Shit." She mumbled.

"Caught a case?" Elliot asked.

"Uh…" Olivia hesitated. "Uh, yeah. It was Fin." She sat the phone on the dresser and turned quickly to Elliot.

"It's okay. I should be going anyway."

"I'll—I'll give you a call tomorrow." Olivia said quickly. Elliot walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her. She gave him a small kiss and quickly left his embrace.

"Sure." Elliot said with a smile.

"Just let yourself out. I'm gonna run into the bathroom." Olivia took a pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt out of her dresser and ran for the bathroom.

Elliot sighed deeply as he began retrieving his clothes from the floor. Olivia's phone began buzzing again. Instead of calling for her, Elliot walked over to the dresser to check the phone. The caller ID read a familiar name he was not too fond of.

"The fuck?" he said to himself. "Why is Porter calling her?"

He sat the phone down and quickly got dressed. As he zipped up his pants, he heard the front door open and slam shut.

"Olivia!" the random visitor shouted as they made their way to the bedroom.

"What the fuck? Why are you here?" Elliot asked angrily.

"I should be asking you the same thing, Stabler." Dean shouted.

"I don't have to tell you shit."

"Well you need to leave now! I have to talk to Olivia."

"Like hell I will. Why don't you leave, Porter!" Elliot yelled.

"Dean! What are you—" Olivia began as she came out the bathroom.

"Liv, tell his asshole to leave now! We need to talk."

"Liv, tell this prick that he needs to go."

"Bet you didn't know that we were dating, huh Stabler?" Dean said with an evil smirk.

Elliot's jaw drop at the statement. Elliot shot a look towards Olivia, who was also lost for words.

"Liv… you're actually dating this jackass?" Elliot shouted.

"El, I—I can explain." Olivia said nervously.

"Yeah, _El_. Get your ass out of here." Dean said as he pulled Olivia to him.

Elliot ran towards Dean and punched him in the lip. Olivia quickly backed out as Dean went after Elliot. Olivia ran in between the two men and broke them apart. Olivia stood in front of Elliot, glaring at Dean.

"Get out!" she screamed.

"But Olivia—"

"Get the hell out! I'll talk to you when I'm ready!"

With that being said, Dean gave Elliot one more glare and left the apartment. Olivia turned towards Elliot, who was now furious.

"How the fuck are you okay with dating that—that asshole, Liv?" he shouted.

"He was the only one there for me when you left, Elliot! You can't blame me for—"

"Why didn't you say something? You kissed me knowing you were with that asshole! He's the enemy, Liv!"

"He is not, Elliot! It's not my fault that you two didn't get along!"

"I—I'm going to go. I—" Elliot stopped and looked at Olivia one last time before turning around and leaving.

"Elliot, wait!" Olivia shouted as she followed him. He stepped into elevator, doors closing as soon as Olivia appeared. She stood in front of the elevator, lost for words and emotion, and tears falling down her cheeks.


	4. Author's Message

Hello fellow SVU readers! I am so, so, SO sorry for not updating my stories! College has gotten incredibly busy for just being a few weeks into the semester. And to add to that, I never have any time alone to even write. The boyfriend has moved in and he kind of doesn't know that I even write :-P. So the only chance I really have to write is when I'm at school and I actually have some free time. I have also been experiencing some writer's block with the stories...anyhoo, I just wanted to apologize. Thank you to everyone that has read my stories! And don't worry, I plan to update both stories very soon! Stick around :-)!

- Jazzy Fe


	5. 1011 Author's Note

**Hello everyone,**

**First, I just want to apologize to you all for being MIA this past year...I said that I'd be updating my stories again, and I was all set and ready to go the last time I left a message...which was back in February I believe...trust me, I want nothing more but to please my readers and finally continue working on my stories. I know you all have been eagerly waiting for a new update...**

**I do have to be honest about something though...ever since I lost my sister last October, and struggling with trying to finish up school to finally get my degree, I lost all motivation and interest in writing, causing some serious writer's block. Not exactly sure of where I want to go with any of my stories, and it sucks big time. With the 1 year mark of my sister's passing approaching quickly, I'm just not in the right mind state right now. **

**I will promise this to you though, I WILL continue my stories and I WILL do my very best to update soon. Just give me time...I thank those that have been faithful and still read my stories today. I will make it up to you guys, I definitely will...**

**I'll try my best to work on some new stuff and get the stories updated soon...again, I thank you all for your patience! Until next time...**

**- Jazzy xoxo**


	6. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The next morning in the squad room was a quiet one. Amanda, Munch and Fin were already out in the field since 6:30. It was now 8:43 a.m. Olivia sat at her desk, staring at the pile of DD5s waiting to be filled out. She was drained: emotionally and physically. After Elliot left her apartment, she sat in her bedroom crying hysterically. She called his phone numerous times, but had no luck getting in touch with him. Dean also spent the night trying to contact her: sending text messages apologizing for what happened, leaving voicemail messages asking for forgiveness. It got to a point where she turned her phone off around 4 a.m. and cried until she eventually fell asleep.

Olivia pulled out her cell phone and sat it on her desk. She pressed the lock button and saw that she had six missed calls and fourteen text messages from Dean – nothing from Elliot. She unlocked her phone and opened her contacts. She scrolled down to Dean's number and hesitated. She wanted to talk to him, but she didn't have the energy to. Talking to him now would just lead to more arguing, especially if it's about Elliot.

Speaking of arguing, she heard a familiar voice talking loudly as they walked into the squad room. She peaked her head up to see her partner talking, well yelling, on his cell phone.

"Sweetie, you can't stay home—no mija, there's nothing wrong with you. I checked your temperature this morning before you left school, remember?"

Olivia gave Nick a sheepish smile as he took a seat at the desk in front of hers. "Zara, I will check in on you later when you get home. We can go Christmas shopping—Okay…I love you too. Bye-bye."

"Sounds like someone is eager to stay home." She said as Nick hung up the call.

"She swears that she's been feeling sick the last couple of days. Only because she wants to stay home to watch some new cartoon that only comes up when she's in school." Nick laughed. "Kids are something else…"

"Yeah…" Olivia responded quietly.

Nick studied Olivia and noticed that she was too quiet for her own good. "Something happened last night, didn't it?"

"What are you talking about?" Olivia asked.

Nick sighed deeply as he sat back in his chair. "Casey called me last night…said you were very upset about something. She said you were suppose to give her a call last night, but never did. Something happened with Dean again?"

"I wish Casey would keep her big mouth shut." Olivia got up from her desk and walked over to the coffee machine.

"She's only looking out for you, Liv. Alex and Melinda too." Nick said quietly, joining her. "So what happened? If you don't want to talk about, it's fine."

Olivia looked at Nick and took in a deep breath. "We got into another fight…about Elliot. I saw him yesterday after I left the crime scene."

Nick was at a lost of words. He studied Olivia's face as he let what she just said settle in. "I didn't know he was back in the picture."

"I didn't either. I got a letter from him saying he wanted to meet up. So we did. I got a call from Dean while I was with him saying he needed to talk. I left and went back to my apartment. He found out I was with him and all hell broke loose."

"He didn't hit you, did he?" Nick asked quickly. Olivia could tell that he was getting frustrated.

"No, he didn't. I promise."

"So what happened?"

"He yelled, broke my necklace. And did some more yelling. So I yelled back at him, kicked him out, and threw all of his belongings out the window."

Nick couldn't help but chuckle. She raised her eyebrow. "What?"

"I'm surprised you didn't hurt him after all that. I know how much that necklace means to you. How bad is it?"

Olivia walked back to her desk and pulled the necklace out of her coat pocket. She showed Nick the busted chain.

"That's not too bad. It's still fixable." Nick reached his hand out to Olivia's and took the chain.

"But Nick—"

"Don't worry about it." He said putting the chain in a small envelope in his desk. "So now what?"

"I don't know…" Olivia answered. "He's been trying to contact me all night. He wants to apologize, but I don't think I can handle it right now."

"You'll talk to him when you're ready, Liv. So what else happened?"

"I called Casey and asked her to come over. She did with Alex and Melinda showed up later. After they left, I called Elliot and asked him if we could finish our conversation at my place. So he came over."

"What happened with him?"

Olivia could feel her face heat up, hoping that Nick didn't catch her cheeks turning red. "He uh…found out that I was with Dean, and now he's not answering my calls or messages."

"He must have been angry about that." Nick said quietly.

"He was livid. He and Dean never liked each other. Ever since that undercover case in Oregon, then the whole thing about my brother Simon. "

"Well we definitely have something in common."

"Oh yeah?" Olivia asked. "What's that?"

"I'm not a big fan of Dean either." Nick chuckled.

"Clearly."

"I'm sorry Liv, but I think there are better guys out there for you. Dean just seems like an ass that will do anything to get his way. I don't like him."

Olivia rolled her eyes and glanced at her cell phone. Another two text messages popped up from Dean. "I guess I should call him."

Nick sat back in his chair as he watched his partner get up from her desk and head towards the cribs.

"Good morning, Nick." Amanda greeted as she walked into the bullpen with Munch trailing behind.

"Hey guys. Where are you coming from?"

"The lovely streets of Brooklyn." Munch said as he went to pour himself a cup of coffee. "We canvased around to see if we can find anything else from the crime scene from a few days ago, but had no luck."

"Well we did find the victim's wallet behind that trash can, John."

"So now we have a name?" Nick asked.

"Yeah. The victim's name is Lila Schwartz, only 20 years old. Student ID says she was a sophomore at Hudson." Amanda replied.

"When Fin comes back from the M.E.'s office, you two can go inform her parents about the unfortunate news." Munch said sipping on his coffee.

"I might as well go get Fin. Otherwise he'll be there forever." Amanda responded.

"He and Melinda sure have been getting pretty close. You think anything will spark up?" Nick asked his colleagues.

"That's like asking if the sky is blue? Or is Obama our president? I've been waiting for something to happened since Fin came to this unit." Munch laughed.

"You are something else, John." Amanda said. "I'll see y'all later."

"So detective Amaro, where is your partner?" Munch asked.

"Cribs. Important phone call with Agent Porter."

"Trouble in paradise, huh?"

"You have no idea…" Nick responded quietly.

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><p><strong>Hello everyone! I am back in action! Kind of depressing that I haven't touched this story in exactly 2 years...sheesh! I know a lot of you have been waiting for this update for the longest time. Not gonna lie, I had the hardest time trying to get back into this story. I didn't know where exactly to go with this one, but I think I came up with something good. I do apologize for this being a very short chapter, but I wanted to get this story moving again. I'll write some more tomorrow when I actually have energy.<strong>

** I'm also amazed to see how many people are still reading this story and my others, favoring it, everything. You're truly amazing! Stay tuned for the next update!**


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